Have you ever heard, or read, the famous quote saying, “‘And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.’? I remember reading The Alchemist and thought about few experiences I’ve had throughout my entire life. A friend of mine actually said, “The universe is adapting to our state of mind, when you feel like you’re in love, the world is full of goodness. Remember when you had your heart broken? Suddenly the world is falling apart, and there is nothing that feels quite right, not anymore – anyway.

And at that very moment, I hate Paul Coelho (in a very loving way, Sir) and his somewhat brilliant mind. Yes, I also cursed my friend just because. Aren’t we all sometimes just a victim of our own emotion?

Moving on. I wasn’t to talk about Paul Coelho and his books, moreover about the universe and all its conspiracies in making our life far more interesting. I do have a story. On my way home, I was thinking about it; about how funny it would be. But now that I decided to write it, I feel a little bit silly. Or sad. I am not really sure about which emotion but I do have a quote (yes, another one from Amy Poehler’s book titled Yes Please) that describes my current state of well-being (or, in other word, my insanity level). 

At the time I thought I was just tired and sad, […] I climbed out of that dark place, but rubbing shoulders with that depression made me keenly aware of the difference between being depressed and being DEPRESSED. Anxiety and depressions are cousins and I have had a a few panic attacks in my adult life that knocked me off my game. The best way I can explain a panic attack is that it’s the feeling of someone inside my body stacking it with books. The books continue to pile up and they make me feel like I can’t breathe.

I am wondering, do you still listen to radio? I mean, do you put your radio on instead plugging that iPod or whatever devices that is? I do. For most of the time, I put my radio on. The exception? I do not put my radio on when I am broken hearted. I bet you know why.

YES! The radio producers somehow know about our suffering, and decided to put only sad songs or songs that remind you of your ex. Don’t lie, this too happens to you. Or not?

Well. Assuming I visited my ex’s house, to talk about whether or not he is sure about we taking different (and separated) path. Got into my car, turned the radio on and off in just like a minute, drove in silent yet voices were all over my ear. Here comes the personal part (iyee, curhat colongan dikit lah) – he said he did this out of love. Love that he got for me. I believed in him until I didn’t.

Dear men, there’s no good come from your confusion. Settle on what you want and what you think you want. 

 

Now let’s torture ourselves and keep the radio on. This too shall pass. 

 

kiss kiss,

 

-mf-